This wasn’t an easy decision in my house when I found out I was having a boy.
I gave birth in March. In January, we “accidentally” discovered we were having a boy. We’re a blended family, and daddy already had two girls, and I have one son. He had never had to decide whether to circumcise before; I had. A few weeks after reading this joyous news (boys sure are nice!), the circumcision decision came into the picture. We always knew we had a 50/50 chance of a boy, and therefore discuss circumcision. But until we knew E was a baby boy, it was something we’d face later. I think Daddy assumed I’d go with his wishes because Heck! Dad’s a boy! My son’s a boy! Dad knows best! And I think that may be the assumption of many men. For many women, as well. They let it happen because “daddy wants it done.”
But I’d given birth to and raised a son for a couple years on my own. And circumcision absolutely never entered my mind for him. My nephews aren’t circumcised. Neither are over 40% of boys born today. That didn’t convince daddy. Honestly, while sparing a bit of our privacy, I will say that this argument was a tearful one.
Dad believed what many dads believe: that he’ll be made fun of, he’ll look “different” in the locker room, he wouldn’t “look like me,” he’d be at risk for infections. These are all common beliefs. And from experience, it’s difficult to come up with the counterpoint to the “look like me” statement, because when you do, your partner may feel that you don’t like the way he looks. It’s a very personal and understandable feeling for men in a culture obsessed with virility. But I was the mama, growing a tiny baby boy inside of me, and protecting him was instinctual from conception.
If this is a hot topic for debate in your house and you are as adamant as I was that your son remain intact, use some of these points:
* Your son will never “look like you” in every way. Would we get him rhinoplasty, too?
* Boys rarely see their fathers’ penises past a young age, and no matter what, grown men’s penises look very different in size and hair content from their baby boys’.
* Your husband’s mother made the decision to circumcise her son in a culture very different from ours. Would you also choose not to breastfeed if she did not?
* It is not your body. This is a huge reason to leave your son intact. It is his body, and he should be allowed to choose whether to have surgery on his most private parts.
* Trauma. Labor and delivery is a harrowing feat for many mothers. Just imagine how tough it is for the baby. Do you really think it’s necessary to subject him to two major events, one of them simply for aesthetics, in the same day?
* Locker room fears: if 40% of boys are now left intact (and more in some places), your son won’t look much different than others in the locker room. And anyhow, why would boys be checking each other out in the first place?! (It’d be the one poking fun with the real problem.)
* Would you do this to your daughter?
On the supposed medical reasons:
* Increased risk for urinary tract infections: UTIs are rare in boys, much less common than for girls. Recent studies suggest there is no difference in the amount for circumcised boys than for intact boys.
* STDs: Some of the studies suggesting that the risk for HIV is lessened are flawed, in that they concentrate on populations in Africa, where HIV rates are much higher. A 2007 study offers that it is the percentage of female sex workers in the female population, not the incidence of male circumcision, that determines the level of HIV infection
* Phimosis, or a foreskin that won’t retract: The foreskin gradually becomes retractable between infancy and 18 years of age. It’s nothing we should either rush or worry about. In fact, only 1 percent of males over 18 still have an unretracted foreskin, and then it can be easily treated with a topical steroid cream. The risks of this happening, however, are small, because stimulation of the foreskin during adolescence helps this happen naturally. (and that’s something that no adolescent boy minds doing!)
Medical “reasons” are simply not compelling enough.
Would we rid ourselves of anything else not “necessary”? Heck, at $400 a pop, could they take off those pinkie toes, too? Toss in an appendectomy?
Any medical professional would think you were crazy for suggesting either. So why not with this piece of skin, this bundle of nerves? On a newborn boy?
If it is truly “preventative” surgery, we would be removing the breast buds of any young girl who has a high risk for breast cancer. We would be removing the appendix at birth.
But we’re not, because those are drastic steps to take for problems that may never occur. And we, as a culture, refuse to perform such drastic surgery on children without their consent, we should not be performing what is essentially plastic surgery on infants.
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